...i think heartbreak is this infinite source of humor...the world is a place where people struggle with so many forces: unfair and uncaring. and my heart has these eyes that keep scanning around, seeing it all...mine and theirs....taking it in and storing it, as punchlines...
we were driving along the edsa the other nite, and saw these tiny straggly kids picking through bags of garbage on the side of the road for food...the traffic was totally jammed and we creeped by barely faster than we could walk...it was excruciating...to see these kids making due like that...and i became them for a minute...it carried me away...
i can usually throw a switch or click the channel so i don't have to dwell on pictures like that...but on that night i didn't...and i was glad. in one more itsy bitsy tiny increment, i let myself be healed again...for the millionth time...by remembering and experiencing that i'm these mini-people too and in my own weird way, i'm starving too...there's something my life depends on that in my culture is as rare as food must be to those little boys, like finding a nice well preserved cheeseburger in a much larger garbage heap...
where we come from there's some strangely american version of some kind of similar...something....our poverty isn't the same kind, but oh it's there alright...the whole country has been clicking past it looking and hoping for something more entertaining...and now our generation gets to struggle like we are drowning while we watch our country burn...when one of those little boys found something that looked edible he first without thinking tossed it to his friend...they looked like they must be kindergarten age...i wonder if there will come a time where these two can grow old and remember...will their love and friendship last forever...will god feel guilty for what he did to them and clean up his act...
may i forgive myself when i can't see or don't care to...and forgive myself too for looking and dwelling there...and once more for acting as though i know anything at all about anybody but me....and then once again for not knowing...
deepest places get healed over and over and over and over...that's my prayer today...deep places get healed a million a billion a trillion times...every breath...
